Look, life is clearly a series of cosmic jokes, and PONY’s third album, Clearly Cursed, is the perfect soundtrack for when the universe decides to point and laugh at you. This record is easily one of my favorites of the year so far, mostly because it manages to wrap absolute existential dread in a layer of sugary, 90s-tinged power-pop that makes you want to dance while you’re having a crisis. Take the opener, “Superglue,” which hits you with that immediate “shining so brightly” energy, or “Middle of Summer,” a track that sounds like a sun-drenched afternoon until you realize it’s actually a heart-wrenching tribute to a deceased cat—nothing says “PONY” like a “dead weight drowner” hook that you’ll be humming for weeks. Then there’s “Freezer,” which is basically the musical equivalent of being told you suck at keeping promises while stuck in a walk-in cooler, and “Hot and Mean,” which manages to be both bratty and vulnerable in a way that feels like a Disney Channel rebel finally snapped. It’s all very “Veruca Salt meets The Cure,” and honestly, if this is what being cursed feels like, I’m ready to sell my soul to whatever spirit Sam Bielanski met at that psychic shop.
The irony of this album title is hitting a little too close to home today, though. As I was sitting here trying to process the absolute grunge-pop perfection of “Every Little Crumb,” I got a text from my buddy Ricky. Apparently, Layton Fruit Market—which is usually my go-to for cool foods and stuff —has a “mind-blowing” Gumbolaya as one of their soups of the day. I am currently staring at a shitty frozen pizza that I had to shovel into my face because I’m getting ready for work at Cactus Club, and let me tell you, the contrast is devastating. I’m genuinely pissed that I’m stuck here with a cardboard crust while there is life-altering soup happening just a few miles away. It’s the ultimate “settling” experience, which is exactly why you need to go out and get this record immediately. If you don’t, you’re basically choosing the frozen pizza of life when you could be having the Gumbolaya. Don’t be like me; don’t settle for the mid-tier options when Clearly Cursed is right there waiting to turn your bad luck into a technicolor dream.
Links of interest:
https://ponyband.bandcamp.com
https://takethistoheartrecords.store/collections/pony
https://www.instagram.com/ponytheband